Shaker Fries and High Frequencies

Last Tuesday at work I served one of the happiest people I have met in my entire life. I mean it was truly remarkable how happy this lady was. She walked about to my counter big ol' grin on her face and placed an order for a double cheese burger combo. But she didn't just ask for it, it was like I could feel her burning desire for it. She said can I have it and I wanted to scream back at her 'Yes, you can!' Her jubilance grasped hold of inner being and I wanted nothing more then to serve her this burger. Then in this bid deep southern accent she excliamed to me 'wait, can I shake up my fires?!' and I burst out laughing right there in the middle of lunch rush. I mean she was so excited, so fucking excited to shake up her fries. I'm not sure if it's even possible to convey the pure rush of energy I got from this lady. But whatever it was that made her so happy, made me so happy. You should have heard the pure joy in those words. The rest of my day nothing could bring me down, I was simply to happy to worry about anything and wanted nothing more then to make everyone else around me to be happy too.

Have you ever heard the saying 'I just got a good vibe from him'? Well these vibes are the frequency at which the energy inside us is beating. Happy people beat at high frequencies and this happines transfers over to people and makes them happier in turn. Something to do with that whole elctromagnetic whatever the fuck in our brains. It just goes along with the whole Happiness is countagious theory. In turn however people who are sad or depressed beat at lower frequencies which can cause you too to beat slower and not live up to your happiness potential. We seak out those people who beat at a similar or matching frequency to our own. So if you're depressed you'll probably just find more depressed people. But! If you put a smile on and make positive choices then you're all that closer to finding happy people to surround yourself with.

New Year's Resolutions

I personally don't think resolutions really ever work. I know I've set them year after year but I always manage to forget them by February. So this year I'm setting a list of goals (not resolutions, I always think that sounds like I'm submitting unwillingly to them) and writing them down so they don't get lost about my scrambled thought process. Most importantly I'm not going to worry about them, if I achieve them then good for me. If I don't, there's always next year.

So here is my list so far;

1. Stand up for myself more.
2. Make Bianca live a little
3. Dedicate more time to my blogs; So, I was thinking, Playing Charades, and 101 Things To Do Before You Die.
4. Mark off as many items on my list as possible.
5. Live in the moment.
6. Don't let other peoples' opinions define me.
7. Enjoy my life for what it is.

Which is about as far as I've gotten so far, maybe I'll add more, maybe I won't. One thing for sure, I'm not going to let it worry me.

What are your resolutions or goals for the coming year?

Mental Breakdowns: One of the Greatest Joys in Life?

When you meltdown, and I mean sobbing your fucking guts out in some deserted ally way, you come to terms with your life. This moment when you're entirely checked out from reality and entirely by yourself, may be one of the happiest times of your life. Now not necessarily while you're curled up in the fetal position recollecting how entirely miserable you are and the series of events that got you there, but right after. You've come to terms with who you are and what you're doing. You've realized that the people who put you here, aren't worth being worrying about. You know now you are your number one priority and need to build yourself back up before you can take on anyone else.

In other terms, you've stopped giving a flying fuck.

I mean that seriously. In that moment you no longer have any stress, any concerns, any desire to take care of anything or anyone else but you. You slip into a blissful state of knowing only you can make yourself miserable and nobody else has the right to. You're self confidence is full to the brim, things can only go up from here right? Everything will be fine, just tread a bit more carefully.

And then you check back into reality and that moment completely vanishes, but hey, life is only what you make of it.

Coping

Today the little shreds of my world that held my sanity together shattered and fell all around me. And I stood there and watched it go, wished it farewell because I didn't need it anymore. Stepped from the empty plains around me of what had become my life into a new way of thinking and left it behind. Well, not really a simple step, but I moved on.

We all cope in our own ways. Tonight I found out my girlfriend of over a year who I loved so much and planned on marrying, fucked another guy. Not some successful guy, but just a random guy, her sister's boyfriend's brother actually. High school dropout with no future. But she fucked him, and it hurt.

But as we all need to do, I coped with this seemingly impossible situation in my way. I got drunk, popped a couple pills, and have a new scar etched into my body between my thumb and index finger to mark the ending of this chapter of my life. Tonight I will spend in a depressive funk, but I'll move on. This is how I cope. I deleted every shred of our relationship, removed her from my Myspace and Bebo, unsubscribed to her blogs. Got drunk, got high, and self mutilated. And I'll wake up tomorrow with little to no recollection of tonight. Then I'll move into a new world of thinking, discover a new sense of self, and hope it all works out for the better.

We all cope in different ways however. Some practice the art of zen, some switch cities, others just dont and plant a bullet in their brain.

How do you cope? How do you bear the unbearable? Live the unlivable?